the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
soo... how was my night?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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