He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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