it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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