Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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