it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Boobs speak an international language.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
