This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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