I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
