I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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