i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize