I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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