and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
