My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
