3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
