you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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