Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
