my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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