he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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