You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
