I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
