God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
