is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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