I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You need a sexual gate keeper
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
