Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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