i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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