I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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