she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize