Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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