And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
