He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You made out with two different species that night
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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