i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
