I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
