If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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