So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
