it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
