Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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