My Higher Power is John Stamos
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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