I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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