evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
