I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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