my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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