So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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