I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
