just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
