We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
