I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize