i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
