Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
