There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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