Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
