; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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