Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
