We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
i need some magic done to my vagina
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
