I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
