I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
