Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize
