TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
