I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize