We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
