I CAN MOONWALK!
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
