id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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