That's when you crack a 10am beer
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
