I just threw up on my dentist
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
