Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
