i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize