Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
