Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
