does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
