I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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