Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
