When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
and you fell through a lawn chair
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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