OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I need moral support for this bender
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
