Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
