I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
