Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I didn't notice because vodka
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
