Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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