i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
