I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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