Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
