I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
