I am puke
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize